JRock3x8's Life Musings

Sunday, October 05, 2008

I'm Human

So a funny thought occurred to me in the shower this morning : I'm not perfect and I can never be.

I thought further about it and came up with two opposing forces :

The ambition, desire, passion inside myself always wants more, always wants something better, always strives, demands perfection, that despairs in failure.

And then there is my eternal dissatisfaction that I can never get there, there being the ultimate goal of perfect happiness. There are moments in life where I feel really good, sometimes I even feel like "this is as good as it gets" and it's terrific! But it never lasts. I'm always climbing uphill on a slippery slope and when I get to the top I inevitably slide back down.

I feel like I've come to a deeper understanding of those two forces.

The ambition, the passion, the desire, the fire in my belly that makes me long for more is my sense of wanting to be close to God, to be in righteousness. It is the Holy Spirit within me, guiding me towards God, towards more.

My dissatisfaction, my stumbles, my sliding are sin. Being born into sin is something I can't escape. It is as much a part of me as my ambition.

The trouble is that the world has given me a bad compass for which way to go on the slippery slope. The way the world says to go frequently leads nowhere remotely close to righteousness. In fact, the path ultimately leads down, in some cases steeply.

And although sin isn't something I can ever escape, I can learn to keep a sense of balance on the slippery slope through faith, devotion and prayer.

Pretty amazing what some early morning meditation will do!

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